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Jun. 5th, 2007 10:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lunabunaLong story short, since my GPA has been crap, I get kicked out of CSUSM unless I convince the board that I'm struggling in school because of certain hardships. Mainly, psychological disorders.
So, my question to you guys is this:
Social phobia, agoraphobia, depression, and some undiagnosed sleep disorder-- good enough reasons to warrent them giving me more chances, or not? What do you guys think?
And speaking of depression, I've been in a rut for a week or so now. I can feel it, but I can also feel the Prozac fighting it off, but not in its entirety. So, I end up kinda wavering between hopelessly depressed and okay. That amounts so a nice, steady "blaahhh don't want to do anything but don't feel so downright bad that I want to off myself on the spot" kinda feeling.
Not to sound angsty, but I feel like my life is meaningless; like the things I want to do I can't do because I'm not qualified or able to, for one reason or another. I couldn't live with myself if I ended up at a McDonald's job for the rest of my life. I gotta excel somehow, do something I love, make a difference. I want to be an animator, or work with animals in some fashion, but it's like... I can't do either if I can't attend the classes instructing me how to because I'm too paranoid of being in public. And even if they offer online courses, sometimes just the idea of coursework stresses me out, and the only way I know how to deal with such stress is to avoid it as best I can.
The only way I think I can do better is to either be able to focus on a topic I'm very passionate about (animation, cartooning, video games, animals), or find SOME way to counteract all this emotional crap I have stacked against me holding me back. Unfortunately, both options are very expensive, and I'm poor. Capitalism, ftl.
God, can NOTHING make me feel good? Frickin' art? Talking to Mike? Going outside? Playing WoW? God... I might as well take some drugs and go to bed early. Being conscious doesn't have much value to me right now.
Using my dancing cheetah icon because it makes me feel slightly better.
So, my question to you guys is this:
Social phobia, agoraphobia, depression, and some undiagnosed sleep disorder-- good enough reasons to warrent them giving me more chances, or not? What do you guys think?
And speaking of depression, I've been in a rut for a week or so now. I can feel it, but I can also feel the Prozac fighting it off, but not in its entirety. So, I end up kinda wavering between hopelessly depressed and okay. That amounts so a nice, steady "blaahhh don't want to do anything but don't feel so downright bad that I want to off myself on the spot" kinda feeling.
Not to sound angsty, but I feel like my life is meaningless; like the things I want to do I can't do because I'm not qualified or able to, for one reason or another. I couldn't live with myself if I ended up at a McDonald's job for the rest of my life. I gotta excel somehow, do something I love, make a difference. I want to be an animator, or work with animals in some fashion, but it's like... I can't do either if I can't attend the classes instructing me how to because I'm too paranoid of being in public. And even if they offer online courses, sometimes just the idea of coursework stresses me out, and the only way I know how to deal with such stress is to avoid it as best I can.
The only way I think I can do better is to either be able to focus on a topic I'm very passionate about (animation, cartooning, video games, animals), or find SOME way to counteract all this emotional crap I have stacked against me holding me back. Unfortunately, both options are very expensive, and I'm poor. Capitalism, ftl.
God, can NOTHING make me feel good? Frickin' art? Talking to Mike? Going outside? Playing WoW? God... I might as well take some drugs and go to bed early. Being conscious doesn't have much value to me right now.
Using my dancing cheetah icon because it makes me feel slightly better.
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Date: 2007-06-06 02:40 pm (UTC)I wish you the best of luck! <3 I have (non-religious) faith that you'll overcome your social phobias and will have a wonderful career in the future.