(no subject)

[lunabuna]

Long story short, since my GPA has been crap, I get kicked out of CSUSM unless I convince the board that I'm struggling in school because of certain hardships.  Mainly, psychological disorders.


So, my question to you guys is this:

Social phobia, agoraphobia, depression, and some undiagnosed sleep disorder-- good enough reasons to warrent them giving me more chances, or not?  What do you guys think?


And speaking of depression, I've been in a rut for a week or so now.  I can feel it, but I can also feel the Prozac fighting it off, but not in its entirety.  So, I end up kinda wavering between hopelessly depressed and okay.  That amounts so a nice, steady "blaahhh don't want to do anything but don't feel so downright bad that I want to off myself on the spot" kinda feeling.


Not to sound angsty, but I feel like my life is meaningless; like the things I want to do I can't do because I'm not qualified or able to, for one reason or another.  I couldn't live with myself if I ended up at a McDonald's job for the rest of my life. I gotta excel somehow, do something I love, make a difference.  I want to be an animator, or work with animals in some fashion, but it's like... I can't do either if I can't attend the classes instructing me how to because I'm too paranoid of being in public.  And even if they offer online courses, sometimes just the idea of coursework stresses me out, and the only way I know how to deal with such stress is to avoid it as best I can.

The only way I think I can do better is to either be able to focus on a topic I'm very passionate about (animation, cartooning, video games, animals), or find SOME way to counteract all this emotional crap I have stacked against me holding me back.  Unfortunately, both options are very expensive, and I'm poor.  Capitalism, ftl.


God, can NOTHING make me feel good? Frickin' art?  Talking to Mike?  Going outside?  Playing WoW?  God... I might as well take some drugs and go to bed early.  Being conscious doesn't have much value to me right now.

Using my dancing cheetah icon because it makes me feel slightly better.

Comments

[danakm.livejournal.com]

I certainly hope those are enough reasons for them. Honestly **nods**

Hope you feel better soon **hugs**

[mea-panda.livejournal.com]

definately enough reason to be considered. just go in and talk to them about it. for your social fears, i think a lot of that can be overcome with time and patience. gradually adjust yourself to situations you would normally find stressful and things, have you talked to someone about this? i found it easier to deal with some things after i talked to my counsellor (i associated smells with my attacker and would panic or feel ill etc, it's something you can overcome with time. i still flinch but not as bad as i used to)

anyway, i think you have easy got a case to be allowed compensation or whatnot, once you explain whats been going on i think they'll help you out. just make sure they understand the situation and what you're going through.
i love you sugarplum, keep that pretty chin up, and hey! we should do msn chats again or rewatch potters in leadup to new movie and HOMG FINAL BOOK! ;; i love you kitten. stay strong.

[mea-panda.livejournal.com]

also, sorry, i was going to say, maybe go part time for a bit? i don't know how the system works for you guys, but that might help you cope with less stress for a bit?
and i think you would be a beautiful animatorrr, and working with animals would suit you so well. maybe start at a pet store or just volunteer walking dogs etc? thats more dealing/helping with the animals then the people.
sorry for rambling, im just worried.

[monster-turtles.livejournal.com]

I think those are good enough reasons. Agoraphobia especially, is something that has a handle on many people's lives (my mom struggled with it for 18 years and it left her unemployed, my bro has it, and I've had it). It's a condition that shouldn't be taken lightly and I think that if you're dealing with it you should let the higher authorities know so they don't think you're just skipping out on classes.

I wish you the best of luck! <3 I have (non-religious) faith that you'll overcome your social phobias and will have a wonderful career in the future.

[marikology.livejournal.com]

I know we don't know each other all *that* well, and I get the feeling you don't really like what I have to say most of the time, but I have uncontrollable big sister urges, so I'm going to tell you what I think. Your psychological problems may get you out of being expelled this time, but they're not going to keep working as excuses until you get them under control. (BTW, When I say excuses, I don't mean you're making them up and you should get over them. I mean they are THE reason you can't excel in school.) Anyway, no, you're not going to feel better until you get these problems effectively managed. I don't doubt that you're under some sort of psychiatric care but whatever it is, it's not working. You should start researching your conditions and looking for treatments you haven't tried and bring them to your doctor and make them give you options besides switching your drugs or whatever they're doing. If your doctor doesn't listen, find a new doctor. Women, especially young women, have statistically proven that doctors don't take them seriously. They are seen as hypochondriacs and drama queens.

You need to take a good long look at yourself and list the things that you want to get better, then do everything YOU can to make it happen. I don't know you well enough to "psychoanalyze" you, and I'm not accusing you, but is it possible that you use your disorders as a crutch? Here's an example-they could make you feel needy so that Mike has to take care of you, (which for some people, strengthens the relationship), or they could give you an excuse to fall short of your goals because they are so debilitating. I don't doubt you want to feel better, but maybe subconsciously, they absolve you of responsibility, so you're just waiting for them to disappear because when that happens, you'll have to step up to the plate, which scares the hell out of you and makes you even more anxious and depressed. So it's a huge cycle that's not going to stop until your disorders are cured. Sleeping, moodyness, listlessness and all the other symptoms only exacerbate the problem, but they'll go away when they are better managed. I think you should try to improve your standing at school, but before you go back, put all your energy into getting better. Since this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, I have *great* confidence that psychological disorders can be cured, or at the very least managed, and I just get the feeling that for you, you're barely hanging on. Sorry if i've presumed too much; I hope my advice helps, but I guess it can't hurt.

[rkotaku.livejournal.com]

lmao play your cheetah icon to the Gorillaz "Feel Good Inc". it made me laugh. :P

That really sucks, but maybe this is a sign that this course isn't your calling? You could always try grants/loans.

[heathabear.livejournal.com]

Oh, those are totally justified reasons for them cutting you some slack, especially if you can get a doctor's note saying it hindered your ability to complete your schoolwork. I've had to do similiar things before.

I hope you feel better! *hugs*