(no subject)

[lunabuna]

I have been neglecting my LJ, mostly because alot of the people whose LJs I was watching stopped updating.  Also, you kinda get tired of talking about something once you feel better about it, and Mike has been my crying shoulder well enough that I don't feel the need to post about it here.

But Mike's at tennis or something right now and isn't available, so back to LJ I go.

Y'know, over Winter break, Mike and I had some issues we had to deal with.  I chalk it up to insecurity and failure to communicate, for the most part, on both our ends.  Typical stuff you go through when you love somebody.  But the way we acted around each other when we were fighting made my mom worry that I was getting into a potentially abusive relationship.  I thought it was feasible at first because... well, I'm dense like that and need people to point out some things to me.

She gave me a book to read called "Shattered Dreams" about a lady who married a guy who turned out to be physically and emotionally abusive and what she had to go through during their marriage.  I'm almost done with it, and I think it's really helped me put things into perspective better than anyone else could by just telling them about it.

And... well, it's like, the more I read, the more Mike seemed LESS controlling.  I can see how someone might piece his reactions together to be sorta controlling, but... meh, I think half of it is my perspective on things.  But... hell, he is NOTHING like the guy in that book.  Mike gets unhappy about stuff, mostly when we're misunderstanding each other, but... man, John, the name of the guy in the book, goes frickin' nuts.  He uses demeaning language and long, painful silences to manipulate this poor lady.  Mike's not like that at all.  Mike wants us to work things out together, to clarify what we're not getting, and he never pins all the blame on me.  Hell, he doesn't even really pin blame, period.


Blah blah blah, anyway... I was cleaning up the dishes tonight after dinner, and there was a used ziploc bag in the sink.  I did what mom used to do when we had wet, drippy ziploc bags-- I hung it on the faucet.  That way the water doesn't drip into the crevices on our counter and make a mess, and we can clean it later and reuse it.  Well, Robert did NOT like that.  He squawked at me about why I'd do that. I told him why.  He told me I shouldn't be putting it on the place where we get our fresh water. ... Uh... yeah. I asked him where I should put it, and he nastily told me to "put it in [my] room."

I don't think Mom liked him saying that, cuz she tsk'd or something, I forget.  But I was ready to tear up and retreated to my room before that could happen in his presence.


And... y'know, it's like... I wouldn't really have thought Robert to be abusive, but he sure fits the bill of this abusive guy in the book better than Mike does.  I don't have to avoid Mike out of fear of ticking him off and getting crap from him like I got from Robert.  I don't have to wait until he goes to bed to fix something (i.e. the internet. Why the HECK does he unplug it?? What's the point?).  I can talk to Mike openly.  I gotta watch most of what I say around Robert to avoid his harsh criticism in the case that he's in a bad mood.  Flying fuck, Mike is actually NICE to me if I screw up.

I don't like having to hide in my room. It's not fun.  I prefer to stay in my room, but hiding... that's lame.

Comments

[monster-turtles.livejournal.com]

You know... it sounds to me like it's your MOM who might in an abusive relationship, and she reflected her insecurities onto you by having you look at your own relationship with Mike. It's possible that she's even consciously aware that it's abuse and doesn't want the same thing to happen to you --hence why she gave you that book.

I don't know your mom or Robert at all, so it's really hard for me to tell other than what you've written. However, the fact your mom didn't stand up for you when he treated you that way implies to me that she's a bit afraid of him... she should have said something but all she could do was "tsk".

But yeah... sounds to me like Robert is on a power trip, and it's best to stay out of his way. I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of crap!

[drlainaphd.livejournal.com]

I dont really know anything about that book, or about Mike, or you dudes' relationship or anything, and I dont really intend to comment on any of that? I just wanted to nudge in and say not to rely too heavily on a book for making decisions like that - even if its not a fictional story, EVERYONE is different, and that story is only one perspective of an abusive relationship.

From one coming from an abusive relationship herself, in a sitation that was not at all outwardly violent or manipulative blame-pinning, just remember that problems come in all flavors.. reading just one perspective from one book is not really enough to be completely insightful on the matter?

Just.. basically what Im trying to say is trust your own feelings more than comparing them to a story. And good luck mang, I wish I could help you on a more personal level than that, but I dont want to say anything about peeps I dont know ;x; In any case, take this with a grain of salt and wishing you the best!

[pkzip.livejournal.com]

Wow, Mike supports you when you are feeling down, lets you come to him as a sounding board when you need counsel and is understanding when you make a mistake. Hold on to him. Nice guys are few and far between.

Now if you could point me in the direction of a nice girl... =)

[rkotaku.livejournal.com]

Isn't it nice to have a guy that cares so much for you? I'll accidentally hit him or something and he teases me, but it's no big deal. XD

But really, he's like your comfort from everything. That's how I see my boy. :]

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This is us. <3